Hi! I'm Bekah, or Nikki, whatever you prefer to call me I answer to anything. Haha. I'm 18 and I love a lot of stuff, so. this will get a little crazy
I write little one shots here and there. The tag is "ilw5si one shots" if you wanna just search through and read them :)
Tu me manques -French for "I miss you" literally translates into "you are missing from me". At 7 years old I lost a friend to suicide. At 15 I lost my grandpa who meant the world to me to diabetes. They are missing from me which is why my blog is called "tu me manques"
name: Rebekah but I go by my “internet name” Nikki for personal reasons.height: 5”4eye colour: Greenbirthday: March 9thfavorite colour: Bluebest school subject(s): ummm, I don’t know anymore. In high school it was psychologycurrent shirt colour: black and blue (black tank top, blue hoodie)day or night: midday more so but if i had to choose, definitely nightreligion: Christiangender: Femalesexual orientation: Straightsingle or taken: Singlecelebrity crush: erm, a lot. I’ll name a few. One Direction, 5SOS (Mikey and Ash the most), Little Mix, Hunter Hayes, Jensen Ackles, Jared Padalecki….coffee or tea: not really a fan of either but I guess coffee more sofavorite food: pizza, chocolate, chicken nuggets, anything with alfredo sauce, ice cream, hamburgers, I eat unhealthy stuff really so I’m surprised I’m not obese
Author’s Note: This one will have a warning set with it, pretty much, depression, self hate and everything that goes with it. It’s called “Take Off The Mask (I’m Here)” Maybe it’s self explanatory, but pretty much, Niall’s depressed and Liam pulls him out of it. It’s kind of AU? But not much. Enjoy. Oh and it’s in Liam’s P.O.V.
Niall’s been excluding himself lately, I noticed because I’ve been watching him. He doesn’t like hanging out anymore and when he does, he doesn’t seem like himself. He’s quieter. Which is weird. Usually he’s bouncing around. His smile doesn’t seem the same either. It worries me. I need to talk to him.
I walked over where Niall sat watching Louis and Zayn play FIFA and sat next to him. Gently I poked his elbow and watched his reaction. He turned and saw it was me. A small forced smile appeared on his face.
"Hey Payno." He didn’t sound happy like I’m sure he meant to.
"Hey buddy." I wrapped my arm around his shoulders and pulled him into me and hugged him. I wanted him to know just how much I cared. "I love you."
"I know," Niall kind of shrugged and pulled back. He leaned back against the couch again and once more, his eyes were glued to the TV.
I frowned and watched him. Was I the only one that was noticing this? Was I the only one that saw the way the dark circles had almost become permanent on his beautiful face? That he was always tired but never slept? That his smile never reached his eyes anymore or the slight change in his laugh that told you it was forced?
Unsure, I wrapped my arm around his shoulders again and waited for a second before slowly rubbing his arm. He didn’t seem to notice. Usually he responded with a playful smile or comment or even tried to squish my arm with his head. This time he just sat there.
"Niall, do you want to go for a walk maybe?" I asked quietly not wanting to draw Zayn and Louis’ attention to him.
He shrugged against my arm and said nothing. What was wrong? I had to help him. But I didn’t know how.
"Come on, let’s go for a small walk, fresh air is always nice. Plus we don’t want to get too stir crazy." I pulled him up next to me and noticed that’s when he put an effort in.
"No," Niall whispered pulling away. He tried sitting back down forcing me to lean over him. "I don’t want to."
"I do. I want you to come with me." I looked in his eyes and saw they didn’t shine anymore. The happy smile that was always there even when he was tired was gone. "Just a small one. There’s a park like three blocks away. Come on Ni, please."
Niall looked away from me and sighed, “fine.” He let me pull him up a second time and followed me outside. As soon as we were outside he shoved his hands into his hoodie pocket and looked down. His little fringe slid down and covered his eyes from my view.
"Come on Nialler," I wrapped my arm around him and gently rubbed his back. I wouldn’t push him too much, but I was going to find out what was wrong whether he wanted me to or not. I walked with him quietly to the park. I tried to think of what to say but no words came to my mind. Maybe I’d have nothing to say and I wouldn’t be able to help him. I hoped that wasn’t the case.
"Can I just sit down? Instead of doing anything?" Niall asked as we walked up to a bench.
I nodded, “of course.” I watched him and sat next to him watching the frown on his face never leave. It really worried me. Here it goes, I thought. “Nialler?” I started hoping that my slight stalling would give me a chance to think up something.
"Yeah Payno?" Niall whispered. He never looked up from his shoes. He never even glanced at me for a second.
I sighed, this was going to be harder than I thought. “I’m going to ask you something. Just remember, I’m your best friend okay? I want what’s best for you.”
Niall gave out a little sigh. He sounded irritated. Finally, some emotion from him.
"What’s going on? Is everything okay with you?" I asked worried about the answer, "something isn’t right. I know it and I’m worried. I love you Niall, more than words can express."
"Nothing’s wrong." Niall mumbled.
"Then look me in the eyes and say it." I whispered gently. "Please? So I can see it for my self."
Niall shook his head and closed his eyes. I saw tears start to fall out slowly. “I couldn’t do that.”
"Why not? Niall please talk to me. I’m here for you. I love you so much it’s killing me to see you upset. Talk to me. I love you."
"I don’t know. I just feel out of place. I don’t know where I belong and when things get better I get knocked down again." Niall finally blurted after almost five minutes of being quiet.
I wrapped my arms around him. “I’ll be there to pick you up then. Niall, you are important. You are so important to me Louis, Zayn, and Harry. We love you. You’re our glue. You distract us from the bad and make us happy. You belong with us. I’ll make sure that we help you. I’ll take care of you myself. But you are so important to me.” I felt tears build up in my own eyes.
"Liam, it sucks. You have no idea how lost I feel. I don’t think I’m important like you say I am. I’m a lost cause."
"Not to me," I made him look at me, "I love you more than I possibly should, but I don’t care because you’re worth everything. You’re worth every thought I have of you, every sleepless night I’ve had since I’ve noticed this was something wrong. Niall you are worth it and I will spend the rest of my life just proving that to you. Even if it takes forever."
Niall sniffed and hugged me, “thanks Payno.”
I smiled slightly hugging him. I didn’t need him to tell me he loved me, not yet. I just wanted to see him smile, “just do me one favor right now, okay?” He looked up at me and nodded, “smile, a real one.”
Niall scoffed a little at the request but quickly it turned into a smile with him even laughing a little. I’d do anything to see that smile stay like that forever, with the shine back in his eyes and the crinkle lines by his eyes, I loved that smile and I was going to do anything and everything it took to keep it there.